Rita-isms

home.sweet.home.

…

my fucking ass.

———————————————————————————

Mom: what size are you again? 8? 

Me: -_-” jerk.

Mom: what? i’m serious. I’m ordering you a dress.

Me: *FML*

——

Me: mom! whats for lunch

Mom: *hands me a corn on the cobb* 

Me: you’re kidding, right?

Mom: good point. *takes back corn and hands me sliced up watermelon* you need to intake less calories

——

Mom: whats that growing on your face?

Me: a pimple?

Mom: no, its bigger.

Me: …what? a big ass pimple?

Mom: ooh. I get it. your face is just rounder.

Me: jerk.

——

*diamond’s (my dog) is barking*

Me: mom, im on a call. shut him up!

Mom: can’t. he sees a pig and he wants to chase it

Me: *looks out window* wtf? there is no pig

Mom: hehehe you’re the pig, duh.

…to be continued (as I withstand this very, very long weekend)