awkward turtle strikes again.

As if you all couldn’t tell from my previous entries, I am obviously the queen of making situations awkward on top of my verbal diarrhea rampage.

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged about how genius I am, but am, once again, on a roll. You’d think I’d start learning by now.

Situation 1: Caribbean’s in Mexico? I’m SO GOOD at Geography!

I go out to lunch with my supervisor’s supervisor (we’ll call him/her SS). We engage in some great conversations, eat Indian food, and head back to our facility. We’re on the car when…

Me: Yea, I’m so looking forward to next week. I’m going on a cruise.
SS: oh yea, where to?
Me: *panic for no good reason* the Caribbean’s
SS: oh yea? Where in the Caribbean’s?
Me: Cozumel
SS:…but that’s in Mexico
Me: *Blah blah blah blahhhhh into infinite.*

I can’t even regurgitate the shit that was coming out of my mouth. It’s like, I knew I was going to Cozumel, but why the F did I say the Caribbean’s? And the SAD thing is, I really did think we were going to the Caribbean’s then realized I only WISHED I was going there…some kind of mental disconnect going on in this sad head of mine.

Which brings me to this thought: Why do we lie, even when it really doesn’t do/mean anything? It was a question SS asked the team, and for some sad reason, it made a lot of sense. I always lie!! But mainly in awkward situations and I’m just trying to spew something out there out of awkwardness.

“How Old Are you?”
“28”
Why the F did I just lie? I don’t know!

“Did you get a tan?”
“No, it’s my panty hose. I got a darker shade to cover up my bruises”
What the F? Good one King. Probably cause I just finished blogging about my hatred for pantyhose, and Wiki said one of the “uses” is to cover up marks on your legs. Ugh.

“Do you have a bf?”
“yes…I mean. No. its complicated”
Haha I need to clear this one up a bit. Either I full fledge lie or I continue to be single. Maybe I should just put a ring on it to avoid any type of confusion. 

Situation 2: It’s a HE/SHE?!?!

So, I started swimming again. Woohoo. I was walking to my usual locker spot to change when I heard a man’s voice. I instantly thought “oh, it must be the tv”. But I re-collected my co-worker’s hilarious story about walking into the female locker room then had a really pathetic moment of panic. “what? A boy in the locker room?”…then calmed myself down thinking “there’s no way. Stupid SK”.  Just as I was turning the corner, I see a girl that literally looked like a boy (imagine a boy cut, super loose shirt, no lumps, and basketball shorts with man legs). I froze.

Me: Aren’t you in…(stopped myself. If I completed the sentence it would have gone “aren’t you in the wrong locker room” *FROZE as i realized, it was a she* OH, never mind.
H/S:  *staring awkwardly*
Me: *feeling the need to explain myself, I go into verbal vomit rampage* Sorry, I thought you were in some movie. You look like some celebrity (WHO THE F LOOKS LIKE A HE/SHE?!?! DAMMIT SK!!*
H/S: Oh yea? What movie?
Me: I don’t know. I’ve seen some movies where you look like someone…

*sigh*. Let’s hope I don’t continue to make retarded comments in front of intelligent co-workers.