on a more serious note.

it’s all fun and games to poke fun of all my stupid incidents and all the retarded things that go on in my life, but when it comes down to more important things…that in itself naturally calls for a more serious note.

As of lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the kind of messages I want to send to people and how I am able to convey those messages. Mainly because I’m non-confrontational and cannot for dear life be more confrontational. 

So, instead, I am going to direct my approach a bit differently. 

There are things I care about that I really don’t share with a lot of people…if anyone at all. My blog really is a place for me to vent about whatever the hell I want to, and not feel constrained by my fellow readers. 

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Selfishness.

This has been bothering me so much lately. A few phrases that truly irk me:

“I know I’m selfish, but we all are”
“I deserve it. I went through blah blah blah to get here”
“We’re all selfish to an extent”

All are viable phrases, and can be “justified”. However, those are all excuses to continue bad behavior. I’m really not one to talk, since I really am a spoiled rotten brat in every context. 

It’s about all the things that go on outside of our lives that we fail to comprehend, acknowledge, or even care about that makes a world of a difference on how we ground ourselves. We’re so STUCK in our lives, but we never really branch out to see the lives and pain of others around us.

Look at the drug war in Central America. Look at Guatemala’s murder rate of 47 per 100,000 people with a 55% poverty rate, to give a simple example.

I say “we” loosely. I’m not attacking one particular person, but mainly just angry at myself for being so selfish, and allowing myself to continue being selfish. I don’t know what struck a chord to make me feel so terrible about the life I lead and the way I lead it, but I want to make a notable change.

All the petty shit going on around me on “who said what” or “so and so did this and that” is insignificant. I would like to hold more intelligent conversations with more meaning and understanding, then to listen to useless banter about who fucked who.

I would like to constantly remind myself to be a better person and to challenge myself to aim a little higher on a consistent and regular basis. A big reason why I dislike New Year resolutions is because often times:

1) people don’t stick to it

2) its not meaningful (“losing 10 lbs” doesn’t quite cut it)

3) why wait a year to make a few resolutions when it makes more sense to continue bettering yourself throughout the year? Change isn’t something that happens over night…it’s a gradual process.

i remember a phrase I heard in church once:

“Be the change you want to see in the world for you are the hope this world needs”

it’s a good start.