damn you, pantyhose.

whoever invented pantyhose is a moron. And damn you hollywood for making it seem like a woman stripping this layer of useless clothing off is seductive and a “turn on”. 

First, it isn’t seductive. You should see the lovely line it leaves at my waist area whenever I take it off. You should also see how it looks when I sit down. It folds my stomach in half making it look like I have two stomachs. Fine, it could be because I’m fat. But that’s not the point. Size “S” is for anyone up to size 6. I am a size 2/4, therefore, there should be no excuses for the abnormal waist tightness. 

I went to Nordstroms with the intention of buying well-made pantyhose for my new project. The project requires me to wear a suit every day, and if I wear a suit skirt (which just so happens to be the majority of my suit wardrobe), I need to wear pantyhose. So spending XX amount of dollars of nice pantyhose, I just about ripped all 10 of them within my first month. I truly do believe they should give extra per diem to women who have to wear these damn pieces of useless cloth.

It isn’t even aesthetically appealing. I was stuck in the handicap restroom today freaking out about a rip I made while WALKING (yes, it ripped  while I was walking. I don’t remember running into anything to cause this domino affect), went to the largest stall (handicap) and tried to figure out a solution. The rip was right above my ankle, so I tried to tuck it in. I was probably in there for about 10 minutes. When i came out, I saw a little old lady in a wheel chair waiting for my stall…while the other 7 stalls were wide open.

I. felt. terrible.

I will never use a handicap toilet again unless that is the only stall available…and if the other stalls are gross. 

Second, what’s the point? I just googled “who invented pantyhose” and “what is the point of pantyhose”.  This is the shit I found:

- fashionable (uhh, fuck you hollywood. it is not fashionable. it’s fucking annoying as hell and provides absolutely no use at all. AND NO, it is not seductive!)

- keep legs and feet warm (yes, if i’m cold I’m going to wear pantyhose instead of sweatpants and/or socks)

- hide imperfections (well, aren’t your pantyhose considered an “imperfection” when there are rips and tear?)

Not to mention, the above really doesn’t correlate to the professional business attire. It’s for any kind of usage. I would much rather wear a thong than pantyhose. 

I need to buy more pants.

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On top of my hatred of pantyhose, I hate being driver for anything. I left the headlights on and ran out the battery. I was stuck outside with a poor coworker of mine resurrecting the poor rental…in the rain. 

Way to make a great impression, stephanie.