P.I.T.A.

my mom is a pain.in.the.ass.

Part of my trip in Taiwan consisted of me being sick with the stomach flu and annoying cough, visiting doctors, and having to deal with my mom’s ridiculousness.

The doctor’s (yes, more than one doctor) have said that I am not getting enough sleep due to my “late nights”. Therefore, my mom has been putting me to bed promptly at 10:00 p.m. While I’m “resting”, she yacks on the phone till 12:00 a.m., brushes her teeth with her sonicare and stares at me while i “sleep”, drags her flip flops across the floor “clickity clack”, and sings to me with her horrific voice. Sweet I guess, but no thanks.

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In bed. mom had one to many glasses of tea…so she’s wide awake.

mom: I have a problem
me: I know, you have a lot of problems. go to sleep
mom: I drank too much tea.
me: just close your eyes and mouth, and try.
mom: do you want me to tell you a bobo story?

(Bobo is a ficitional character about a mushroom that rita created back when I was a kid. I used to love hearing her ridiculous stories about Bobo) 

me: no
mom: are you tired?
me: yes
mom: GOODNITE
me: goodnight 

5 minutes later …

mom: oh shit!
me: what now?
mom: I bought you another gift!
me: what gift?
mom: do you want to seeeeee itttt?
me: i can wait till tomorrow. go to sleep. goodnight
mom: you’ll REALLLLYYYY like it.
me: i can wait till tomorrow
mom: no, no you cant
me: fine. what is it
mom: go turn on the light
me: *I get up and go turn off the light*
mom: now, tell me who you love the most
me: gah. are you kidding me
mom: Who do you love the mosttttt
me: dad
mom: fine. who is a biggggg fatass? (referring to me)
me: mom *tee hee hee*
mom: who do you lovveee the most, bitch.
me: fine, mom.
mom: *pulls out a mini broom the size of your palm*
me: what the
mom: it’s a broom for your laptop!!!
me: -______-“ 

——————-

Googling looking up the new horoscope signs

me: oh mom, look! I’m no longer Cancer. I’m Gemini!!
mom: *looks over at my computer*
me: *points* see!
mom: in my book, you’ll always be asshole.