I eat Tiffany’s for breakfast.

I love diamond rings. I love them so much that I detest them. More like I detest the way the diamond mongrels control the supply and demand of these “rare” gems at the sake of several lives.

(Thanks to D, I will never view diamonds the same way. Given, I never really cared about diamonds in the first place, but after doing some research, I don’t think i can look at diamonds the same way) 

After a lovely lunch with the lovelies, we went shopping around Northpark. I thought it would be fun to meander through Tiffany’s and look at their overpriced piece of rock.

Looking at a HUMONGOUS ring

Me: Anita, lets play the price guessing game.

A: ok…i think its 45K

Me: I think it’s 75K

Friend: I think it’s 50K

Mosey on over and pulls salesperson over. He’s relatively good looking, late twentys, and very smooth with his words. The typical sly salesperson indeed. Keep in mind, he is very professional, knowledgeable, and well spoken. I was unable to regurgitate his actual talent in this blog.

Me: sir, do you mind coming over here. 

Sir: sure, what can i help you with to make your decision easier today?

Me: My decision has already been made

Sir: Perfect!

Walks on over and points to massive ring

Me: OK, so these are our guesses. I think its 75K, and they think its 45K and 50K 

Sir: ::laughs:: I see what’s going on. Let me pull it out and show you. Hmm…who guessed 75K?

Me: I did

Sir: it is exactly 100K on top. Is this your dream wedding ring?

Me: haha my dream wedding ring is a tattoo. Now, that’s forever. (sarcastic of course)

Sir: HAHAHA why is that?

Me: I don’t have to worry about a rock on my finger worth more than my life.

Sir: Haha no ring is worth more than your life!

Me: how ironic you say that.

Sir: At Tiffany’s, we are known to sell the best diamonds. We pride ourselves blah blah blah

Me: I would never want a diamond ring as an engagement ring.

Sir: ::surprised:: May I ask why?

Me: haha diamonds are way overpriced. I bet it’s all stored in some secret safe. Besides, it’s completely driven by supply and demand anyway. You guys control the supply by claiming it’s rare when indeed they are not. 

Sir: you bring up a good point. I think that’s a very valuable point…the part about supply and demand.

Me: Have you seen Blood Diamond?

Sir: I have. But you could say that about the sweatshops in China.

Me: you could say that about a lot of things actually. But what makes me most disgusted about diamonds is it’s absolute uselessness. Why spend 30 grand on a ring when I could use that money to invest in a house? 

Sir: But it’s a symbol of love. (he says something a lot more touchy than this, but i can’t seem to remember his exact wording)

Me: Yes, that’s why kobe went and bought his wife that he “loves so much” a 5 million dollar ring. I understand why people do it. I really do. but that hardly justifies the reasons.

Sir: haha true true. But it’s a symbol of forever. you can pass it onto your children…..blah blah

Me: Let me ask you this. Where do your diamonds come from?

Sir: We have a reserve in Australia…

Me: AND south africa.

Sir: yes, and there too.

Me: uh huh. you said that with such confidence sir (imagine me cross armed with a big grin on my face. Then turning completely serious.) So all your diamonds come from those two locations?

Sir: Yes, I believe so.

Me: hmm…I’m pretty sure you all buy roughly 45% of your diamonds from De Beers. 

Sir: Yes. Yes we do actually.

Me: I’m sure you know De Beers controls most of the supply of diamonds. 

Sir: But Tiffany’s really does have the best quality rings. Our’s are <insert some fancy grade here> and above only. Let me show you one of our priceless rings.

Me: HAH. Priceless. Good use of words. 

Sir: *snicker* I’ll be right back. 

*comes back*

Sir: Now, guess how much this ring is

Me: 200K

Sir: it is 600K. There is one more beautiful than this one. But it’s on hold for our customer.

Me: HOLY. I wonder how many children died for this ring. Would you be offended if I told you I think this ring is ugly?

Sir: hahahaha, no that’s fine.

(surprised from my comment about dying children. I felt bad for saying it…just a little)

Me: I don’t like rings that ask people to rob me. THAT ring is far too ostentatious and isn’t even classic.

Sir: haha you are truly interesting. We have a lot of items starting from $15 and up.

Me: What? a turquoise postcard? 

Sir: hahahaha. We have crystal wine glasses. They are actually really well priced.

Me: no thank you. sorry to inconvenience you.

Sir: No problem, I appreciate our conversation. You are the first customer to challenge me in a non-sales like environment.

Me: as a consolation for challenging you in ways you have never been challenged before, can I have a tiffany’s box? 

Sir: I’m not supposed to give you one…but for you, I will do that.

SCORE!

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I now have an empty tiffany’s box that I really do love more than the rings you put in it. 

AWESOME.