Jade says... |
This is a weed. |
my mom is so funny/weird/hyper.
1) my dog is really old. he likes to sit on the couch. only 3 “people” can sit on the couch. my mom, dad, and i were watching a movie when Diamond (the dog) started whining.
mom: get off the couch so Diamond can sit here.
me: O.O where am i going to sit
mom: on the floor
me: but my butt will get cold
mom: you have enough fat to warm a seal. GUO CHU (GO!)
me: *sad face* Grr. Couches aren’t for dogs!!
mom: hey! that’s not fair. a bitch just sat here *pointing to my seat*
dad & mom: *simultaneous laughter*
2) driving back from costco
me: can we eat the lemon meringue pie when we get home
mom: no. look at yourself in the mirror. it’ll scare your appetite
me: its that time of month thoughh…i want foooooooooood.
mom: you know, whats those pills that make you lose weight??
me: uhh…herbalife? hydroxycut? …
mom: VIAGRA! yes. i think. yes. yes. viagra.
me: O.O dammit mom.
mom is trying to teach me about the pros and cons about relocating to boston:
I have difficulty using the word “prayer” or saying “I’ll be praying for you and your family”. Instead, I use words like “Wishing” or “Hoping for” the best. I don’t know why it’s so hard, but I do say a little prayer.
I sit here humbled today.
My heart goes out to O’s family, and also to the families and friends of those affected by, yet another, attack at Virginia Tech.
Saying a little prayer for all of you :)
Much, much love. <3
It’s funny.
While on the road, I bitch and moan about being “too” go-go-go. Now, on the “beach” (aka. not on a project so am pretty dormant in Dallas), I wake up thinking “what am I going to do today that will kill 8 hours”?
Life is good.
I’ve been doing a lot of things that make me happy. The following are a few of the things I’ve been mindlessly doing for the last couple of weeks since “whaling” (tee hee hee) on the beach:
I also realize I am an extremely awkward person to be around when I don’t know you very well. Verbal diarrhea just runs and runs…and runs.
Yep.
I no longer really blog, but decided to write since the following has occurred:
1) I’m less busy
2) I feel like it
3) I like finger vomiting onto my keyboard
—————————————————————-
I like all my recent activities. They entertain me.
1) I’m reading more. Currently, I am reading “The Big Short” by Michael Lewis. It’s a good read! It’s basically talking about the financial crash of 2008 and what led up to it. Note: If you do not have a financial background, having “investopedia” via internet is vital to understanding the novel.
2) Running - i hate running with a passion. Not only do I look like a chicken on wheels…it’s just the shittiest work out. I can MAYBE run for 5 minutes on a good day. And, I don’t really want to take the time to build up my running capacity. However, I need to shrink the pork belly.
3) Photography - I bought a new camera. The Sony Nex 3C. It’s pretty swanky. Pink you might ask? DUH.
4) Creating photo albums on Flicker - I’m going to do it. I took the first step in creating an account. Step 2 - load the photos Step 3 - Create albums for the last few years of my life.
5) GOODBYE MEMPHIS. If there is any city in the world that I would be OK never visiting again - it would be Memphis.
My chat with O
home.sweet.home.
…
my fucking ass.
———————————————————————————
Mom: what size are you again? 8?
Me: -_-” jerk.
Mom: what? i’m serious. I’m ordering you a dress.
Me: *FML*
——
Me: mom! whats for lunch
Mom: *hands me a corn on the cobb*
Me: you’re kidding, right?
Mom: good point. *takes back corn and hands me sliced up watermelon* you need to intake less calories
——
Mom: whats that growing on your face?
Me: a pimple?
Mom: no, its bigger.
Me: …what? a big ass pimple?
Mom: ooh. I get it. your face is just rounder.
Me: jerk.
——
*diamond’s (my dog) is barking*
Me: mom, im on a call. shut him up!
Mom: can’t. he sees a pig and he wants to chase it
Me: *looks out window* wtf? there is no pig
Mom: hehehe you’re the pig, duh.
…to be continued (as I withstand this very, very long weekend)
who smiled and said “what a beautiful life”.
that was the title of my last blog in xanga. kind of funny how ignorantly blissful i used to be.
It’s a saturday, and I am hosting a pool party at 5:00 pm. that gives me all the time in the world to do whatever i want. including watching shark week (LOVE LOVE LOVE watching sharks), reading my old Xanga, catching up on finances (kind of hard with the tripple A threat…), and watching Fern Gully on HBO.
Kind of nice.
I’ve been really thinking about upcoming trips I would like to embark on…and watching all this Shark Week TV is getting me sooo pumped about my future expedition to Cape Cod, Africa - Seal Island! I am absolutely fascinated by Great Whites and really want to go there someday. I wonder if anyone would be interested in going :D
On another note, Fern Gully is not as entertaining as I remembered it to be.
sad.
top moments for today:
1) said my car stalled, when in actuality my car battery died
2) it died twice because I failed to listen to simple instructions. WHAT PART OF LEAVE YOUR CAR RUNNING FOR 15 MINUTES DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, IDIOT?!?!
3) Continued to tell neighbors my car stalled. haha the same guy who helped me with my flat tire saw me with my car.
nice neighbor: Hey there! I see you have your tires fixed right up!
me: yes…but now I stalled my car
nice neighbor: o.O…O.o…O.O what do you mean you stalled your car?
me: like, it won’t turn on
nice neighbor: as in…you killed the battery? thats not stalling your car.
me: yea yea, you know what i mean.
nice neighbor: be sure to let it run for at least 15 minutes
me: will do!
—————————————————————
sigh. good one.
literally.
I just threw up 10 times since 8:00 am this morning. It is now 2:27.
F. Bomb.
I keep forgetting i’m not young anymore. I just turned 26 and my throw up tastes like sour pickle juice. graphic, i know.
i wish i could blame it on food poisoning, but no. it’s due to the excessive amount of alcohol i drank last night.
on a brighter note, work has been less busy, therefore I am able to blog again. I’M ALIVE.
this one silly girl wanted me to refer her to my company. however, she demanded “no long hours” and “25% traveling”. i laughed and told her no. silly little girl. silly little girl indeed.
i work till 9-10 pm every night. that’s pretty regular. That’s because i’m a minion. the minions do the bitch work, which i understand is my duty as a new minion. standard.
i also travel every week. hah. “25% traveling”. youuuu wishhhhhh.
As if you all couldn’t tell from my previous entries, I am obviously the queen of making situations awkward on top of my verbal diarrhea rampage.
It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged about how genius I am, but am, once again, on a roll. You’d think I’d start learning by now.
Situation 1: Caribbean’s in Mexico? I’m SO GOOD at Geography!
I go out to lunch with my supervisor’s supervisor (we’ll call him/her SS). We engage in some great conversations, eat Indian food, and head back to our facility. We’re on the car when…
Me: Yea, I’m so looking forward to next week. I’m going on a cruise.
SS: oh yea, where to?
Me: *panic for no good reason* the Caribbean’s
SS: oh yea? Where in the Caribbean’s?
Me: Cozumel
SS:…but that’s in Mexico
Me: *Blah blah blah blahhhhh into infinite.*
I can’t even regurgitate the shit that was coming out of my mouth. It’s like, I knew I was going to Cozumel, but why the F did I say the Caribbean’s? And the SAD thing is, I really did think we were going to the Caribbean’s then realized I only WISHED I was going there…some kind of mental disconnect going on in this sad head of mine.
Which brings me to this thought: Why do we lie, even when it really doesn’t do/mean anything? It was a question SS asked the team, and for some sad reason, it made a lot of sense. I always lie!! But mainly in awkward situations and I’m just trying to spew something out there out of awkwardness.
“How Old Are you?”
“28”
Why the F did I just lie? I don’t know!
“Did you get a tan?”
“No, it’s my panty hose. I got a darker shade to cover up my bruises”
What the F? Good one King. Probably cause I just finished blogging about my hatred for pantyhose, and Wiki said one of the “uses” is to cover up marks on your legs. Ugh.
“Do you have a bf?”
“yes…I mean. No. its complicated”
Haha I need to clear this one up a bit. Either I full fledge lie or I continue to be single. Maybe I should just put a ring on it to avoid any type of confusion.
Situation 2: It’s a HE/SHE?!?!
So, I started swimming again. Woohoo. I was walking to my usual locker spot to change when I heard a man’s voice. I instantly thought “oh, it must be the tv”. But I re-collected my co-worker’s hilarious story about walking into the female locker room then had a really pathetic moment of panic. “what? A boy in the locker room?”…then calmed myself down thinking “there’s no way. Stupid SK”. Just as I was turning the corner, I see a girl that literally looked like a boy (imagine a boy cut, super loose shirt, no lumps, and basketball shorts with man legs). I froze.
Me: Aren’t you in…(stopped myself. If I completed the sentence it would have gone “aren’t you in the wrong locker room” *FROZE as i realized, it was a she* OH, never mind.
H/S: *staring awkwardly*
Me: *feeling the need to explain myself, I go into verbal vomit rampage* Sorry, I thought you were in some movie. You look like some celebrity (WHO THE F LOOKS LIKE A HE/SHE?!?! DAMMIT SK!!*
H/S: Oh yea? What movie?
Me: I don’t know. I’ve seen some movies where you look like someone…
*sigh*. Let’s hope I don’t continue to make retarded comments in front of intelligent co-workers.
